Surrender To The Senses

Spoken word Written by: Mitra Matin

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“I have been thinking alot. I haven’t been feeling recently, it's like I have lost touch...tuned out of myself. I've been sad, I am numb. I used to feel so deeply, I felt air in my lungs, music in my soul, even the grass under my feet. I could hear even the smallest whisper, touch the furthest city, taste the sweetest things, see every shadow and smell the mint on his teeth. I think I would rather feel all the bad than feel nothing at all. I know it will all come back to me and I will be so in tune again, but the curiosity is screaming! How? I have been dissecting this thought for many moons and I think I found the answer. The senses. Without the senses we are just an empty vessel, I need my senses hyper aware once again. Think of the life you’ve lived, the moments you’ve experienced. Now as you recall these memories try to imagine that your senses didn’t exist in those moments.
Do you think you’d still remember? Would it be a memory worth keeping, if it lacked a smell, a touch or even a taste? Because it would have none of these factors it wouldn’t alter your inner self, You would feel nothing. See I think the key to life is not an undying exploration for unwavering happiness. But rather feeling anything and everything deeply, this way you can grow into what's inside. So whether you think you are in or out of tune with your senses, I want you to take on the burden of diving in with me.”

“Let’s start with sight. Look around the room you are currently in”

“Look down at your hands, do they look old or faded? Young and spritely? Do they feel different than they look? Do you feel many moons younger? Do you recall your sight at your youngest moment? Can you see your mother’s first glance of you and the nursery of pink and blue wallpaper? Can you see the flame of your first birthday candles? Can you see that big yellow bus that stripped away your sibling’s soul? Do you remember how it looked different when it came for you? Could you see your creativity fade? Probably not. Do you remember the look on your mother’s face when you got your first A? Or your dad’s when you got your first D? Were your parents in the picture at all? Was the only sight you had of your mother in her tummy? I'm so sorry. Really put yourself back to your youthful sight! Was the world all in colors, did it all look brighter? I know it’s harder now, but can you try and keep that pigmentation firing off?

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It feels like watercolor, doesn’t it? The colors bleed and fade all together but if we fight!! there are colors.

The world was all in color when I moved to New York but it all got brighter for a second when I stepped onto my home soil one summer, when I saw him differently. I believe we both had seen each other in color but this sight was never synced.

“ I also hear in color.”

“How does my voice sound to your ears? My favorite sound is wind chimes (chimes will sound) It sounds like shattering happiness. I love the sounds of birds (birds chirping will sound here) . I didn't realize their lack to my ears in this city, until they blessed mine back home once again. Sometimes while the world is jumping with sounds... My world is quiet. Sounds of silence fill me up, as I tune it all out. My body hears rhythm (music changes.. cue to Take Me to the Mardi Gras by Bob James)

My body takes over

I do always return to my mind. (music resumes to original track)

Aromatherapy. Therapy through aroma. Pine, lemon, roses, spices all flow through our nose to our mind. This sense has faded. My mask has cut smell from my consciousness.

“She’s in a meadow. She takes a waft of the grass and thanks the soul above, for giving her such a scent. Do you ever do the same?

I challenge you, close your eyes, let your sense of sight take a pause. And let your sense of smell be in control. Now think of your favorite smell...has it been with you since childhood? Or is it fresh? If your eyes are still closed, go ahead and open them. Did your scent affect your mind and soul? Did it fill you up with a sort of warm feeling? It does for me

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You see it’s evident how something as small as scent can give you de ja vu, and send you spiraling into memories. Life without smell is like a cake, without flour or sugar.

“Taste, it’s something very awakening in all cultures. It can transport us.”

“I’ve loved the taste of coffee since I was seven. It was sweet to me until I stopped adding milk and sugar when I was sixteen. When I was aware of my body. Is it weird that I
Can taste the cold? I become hollow and full all at once. So as my hair falls on my bitter ears of statue and my mouth is filled with frost, I long for this feeling to last a lifetime. I know one day I will feel worthy of tasting the sun.

“Touch”

“Soft and silky sheets, the cold water I splash on my face every morning, like a refreshing beverage. The way my parents hugged me before I left, They care so much, I can physically feel it. My sister's hair feels like home when I run my fingers through it. The way my feet feel on the pavement, hard and tired. The way his arm felt like my strength.

For touch to be unwanted. For it to be a scary black hole, for a friend’s hug to now feel like you are back in that dark place, pains me to imagine. Consent in touch is not a maybe no matter how empty you feel. Touch can! be filled with such passion and care, a hand shake can be the start of a lifetime relationship. The pen as it touches paper can become a whole story. The list goes on forever.

“I hope your soul is more awakened. My eyes are burning, my ears are shot. It smells of smokey air, my taste is bitter and I touch my pulse. Intuition. A feeling, a knowing of something that isn’t really there. Manifestation can't help. You just know. I know life is frozen sometimes, but there is light. I trust it. I trust my 6th sense.